I've determined that approximately 75-80% of all technical questions can be accurately answered with the response, "Because you are a dumbass."
Examples:
- Q: Why isn't my computer working?
A: Because you are a dumbass. - Q: Why did my computer freeze?
A: Because you are a dumbass. - Q: Why can't I log in to the server (x)?
A: Because you are a dumbass. - Q: Why can't my browser read the website (x)?
A: Because you are a dumbass. - Q: Why can't I get online?
A: Because you are a dumbass. - Q: Why can't I find my file (x)?
A: Because you are a dumbass. - Q: Why is this piece of technology (x) so slow?
A: Because you are an unbelievable dumbass.
Seriously folks, computers have become exceptionally reliable and predictable. If something's not working, well, frankly, it's probably your fault.
Now leave me alone. I have work to do.
Idiot.