Go Away or I Shall Replace You with a Very Small Shell Script

"Think about it: the computers work great until the users come in and start fucking everything up. I don't hate computers, I hate users."
-systemsboy

This is a rant borne out of the recent feeling that I hate everyone and wish they would all just leave me the fuck alone. I don't think there is a SysAdmin alive who has not felt this way at least once in his life. This one's for you.

Until recently I naively believed that as time progressed, and as new generations came up in the information age, a familiarity with computers would breed a more tech-saavy user. Everyone's always talking about how kids who grew up in this digital age of ours are so much better with computers than adults who had to learn about them as, well, adults. This is total shit. I fall into the latter camp — I started learning about computers in earnest in 1997 — whereas most of the students I teach are in the former — they grew up with computers in their schools and homes and have used them all their lives. And I've assumed, again naively, that I'd see progressively tech-saavy users with each successive class of students. The dream was that the students of the future would have far fewer technical problems, and be far more self-reliant when it came to troubleshooting said problems. Unfortunately, by and large, the reverse seems to be true: students seem more helpless — and at the same time more demanding — than ever before.

There's an episode of Star Trek involving an ancient race of beings who rely heavily on a technology which they've completely lost the ability to understand. This technology is, essentially, a computer with the ability and intelligence enough to run their planet — and itself — for centuries without human intervention. After generations of relying on this computer, the people forget how it works, and when it finally breaks down — see, they always break down eventually — it begins emitting such powerful radiation that it renders the population sterile. But they're at a loss as to how to go about fixing it. It's quite a bind. Ultimately, they end up kidnapping a bunch of kids before finally getting the Enterprise engineer to fix their system. Or, I should say, to show them how to fix it.

I think what may be going on today is similar. I think today's computer users are are like those people in the Star Trek episode. They've completely lost touch with a technology upon which they're reliant. The new generation of student is actually less tech-saavy because, rather than seeing the computer as a tool that he must learn and understand in order to use properly, he sees it as some sort of birthright and as something that should, as they say, "just work."

This is not completely the wrong attitude. Computers, to a certain extent, should "just work." But I think the whole reason we put quotations around that phrase is because we SysAdmins all know, deep down inside, that that idea is, to a certain extent, a pipe dream. And doubly so for the art student range of users who have a tendency to use computers in ways in which they were not originally intended. Computers are extremely complex mixtures of hardware and software interacting with users on behalf of their desires, needs and expectations. When they break or even fail to function in certain ways, I hardly find it surprising. It is, quite frankly, par for the course. It's the reason I have a job.

But these days people seem to think my job is to fix any and every computer problem that might occur, both in the lab and outside of it. Many users refuse to undertake any troubleshooting steps themselves and come immediately to me for help, when often a simple reboot will solve their problem. I actually had a student contemptuously ask me why he should have to reboot the computer, as if it were ridiculous that A) there was a problem in the first place, and B) he should have to do anything about it himself. There is a sense of entitlement and an intellectual laziness that seems pervasive lately among end-users. It's all I can do to get users to Google a question they have or check the help files before coming to me for help with a problem. Consequently, a far-too-sizable chunk of my time is spent answering questions to which the answers are readily available online or right there on the computer. Or worse, looking up the answers to those questions for users who are too lazy or arrogant to do it themselves. It's infuriating.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
-Lao Tzu

When I was in school I spent a great deal of time and effort troubleshooting my personal computer, and thereby learning about computers and how they work. In the process I also learned how to find information I needed on a given topic or problem. We didn't have a class in this. I am completely self-taught. I taught myself how to fish. And I've made a career out of it. Where I work there is a class on systems. It's required. But many students object to this requirement and resent having to take this class. Not only do they refuse to learn to fish, they seem to expect someone else to catch, gut, cook, cut and hand-feed them the fish. And when it doesn't taste just so, they spit it back in your face.

I believe in understanding the tools of your craft. The great Renaissance painters understood the chemical interactions of pigments in oil. They knew how to mix primer and rabbit skin glue, and how to construct and stretch canvas. These days we have paint in tubes and pre-stretched canvas, but any painter worth his salt still has a fundamental understanding of the chemicals in paint and the best way to go about making a stretcher. Computer art students would do well to follow this model. And, quite frankly, they should do so happily. They should be in love with their tools. If they're not, maybe they should find another medium. 'Cause otherwise they're going to end up kidnapping children. And that just ain't right.

When the Cure is Worse than the Disease: Mac Anti-Virus Software

Getting anti-virus software for the Mac is like getting chemotherapy for a cold. It's totally overkill and does way more harm than good. You're better off with the cold.

Via MacFixIt:
In yet another case of AntiVirus software causing serious issues while purporting to be identifying infected files, it appears that Sophos' AntiVirus software is generating false positives for the "OSX/Inqtana.B worm", invoking users to delete critical application and system files and causing serious issues.

Again, the virus being identified by Sophos AntiVirus is marked Inqtana.B -- apparently a variant of the Inqtana.A malware that likewise spreads by copying itself to other computers via a bluetooth connection.

As previously reported, OSX/Inqtana.A -- a Java based proof of concept bluetooth worm that affects older versions of Mac OS X 10.4.x (Tiger). The vulnerability does not affect Mac OS X 10.4.5, and has not been found in the wild.

Despite that, Sophos' software is identifying "infected" files -- sometimes numbering in the thousands -- on Mac OS X 10.4.5 systems.

The results of the false positives are, in some cases, disastrous...

...We currently recommend that users disable Sophos AntiVirus until further notice, and disallow the application to automatically delete any files it deems "infected."

That really says it all. The state of commercial Mac anti-virus software is pathetic. It seems like the developers of this software are desperately trying to drum up business with scare tactics for viruses that don't even exist in the wild while simultaneously writing code that damages people's systems. Fucked up? You betcha.

I'm all for virus protection, even on the Mac. But when anti-virus software is worse than the viruses it claims to protect against, it's no wonder no one's buying it.

This is Getting Ridiculous

This month Apple has announced an almost completely revised product line, including new software. But still, no Tiger update. Today my Powermac became unable to output sound. On reboot it suffered a kernel panic. I also discovered today, on the heels of the latest wave of product announcements, that my Tiger clients cannot launch documents from our newly set-up NFS home accounts. I am hard-screwed by Tiger, and sick of it. But Apple just keeps cranking out new products. I seriously contemplated downgrading the entire lab to Panther today, but it would be stupid to do so with the hope of a fix in the next update. But where is it?

I'm no longer excited by the new video-enabled iPod. I shall not swoon over dual-core processors. Until Apple fixes their seriously fucked up operating system, I will fail to be impressed with anything they might roll out. They can raise the dead for all I care, I won't be impressed. In fact, I won't even link to their site until this stuff gets fixed, not that anyone cares, but hey, it's a political statement. I guess I feel like if Apple can't even take care of the stuff that's out there, why should we give two shits about the new stuff? Sure it looks pretty; so did Tiger. Question is: Does it work?

Oh yeah, and one other thing: Aperture? $500 bucks? Are you kidding? Lame, lame and lame.

I want my 10.4.3.

UPDATE 1:
AppleInsider has estimated release times for the update for both the first half of September and the first half of October. Dude. October's almost over.

I want my 10.4.3.

UPDATE 2:
Here we go again. I'll believe it when I see it.

I want my 10.4.3.

UPDATE 3:
And again.

I want my 10.4.3.

My Hand to God: Adobe Space Monkey

I was attempting a drag-and-drop install of Adobe Photoshop CS2 to a machine that had not been licensed yet, here in the lab, just to see if one tiny part of my life could be made that much easier. It could not. The attempt, however, did afford me the opportunity to get a load of this Easter Egg:


Adobe Space Monkey Splash Screen
(click for larger view)


Which was promptly followed by this error message:


Adobe Space Monkey Error Message
(click for larger view)

Seems the Photoshop programmers have left us something to smile about when we discover that we'll be installing Photoshop on each individual Mac in our lab. Thanks, guys! You couldn't come up with a volume license scheme that allows me to install a single copy of PS across multiple machines, or a package installer that would let me do same over the network, but you managed to find the time and resources for Adobe Space Monkey. Awesome! I finally get why Photoshop costs hundreds of dollars: You're a bunch of assholes.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Why We Need Anti-Virus Software for Mac

I recently wrote a review of the excellent antivirus utility, ClamXav. I also read constant articles and hear constant debate about whether or not you need virus protection on the Mac. I used to be in the camp that says, "There are no viruses for Mac, so why use antivirus software?" But nowadays, I find myself in the other camp, the one that says, "Of course we need virus protection on the Mac, you idiot."

To be honest, I was never as cavalier as to suggest that no virus protection was ever needed on Macs. But we Mac folk are in an interesting predicament (though not as interesting as our Windows-using pals): Currently no viruses directly affect us, and antivirus software for Mac is, by and large, abhorrent. In fact, it is far more likely that your system will be adversly affected by antivirus software than it will by a virus. To wit, Norton Anti-Virus has frequently caused numerous problems on client Macintoshes I manage in my freelance duties. Moreover, many antivirus software packages install kernel extensions, which is the surest way to hose a system. Even Apple recommends against it to developers, citing kernel extensions as a last resort. I frankly don't understand why antivirus software would have need of kernel extensions, given that all it really needs to do is scan files and compare them against a list of known viruses, but apparently the Norton folks think this is important. And it's been wrecking people's systems.

So, the state of things being what they are, it's no surprise that Mac users just go, "Fuck this," and ignore the problem, or worse, deny it. I mean, what else is a poor Mac gal or fella to do?

Let me back up here and explain why I've switched camps. There are two reasons, actually. One, I work in a very heterogenous network, and I see the effect Windows viruses can have on our systems. And on our Windows admin. It's hellish. And it's a problem that, while I don't personally suffer from it, I certainly don't want to contribute to. Macs can and do spread viruses to other computers. I've seen it happen. At this point I could launch into a whole number about how we're all citizens of the internet, and how it's our responsibility to be good ones. But I won't. Instead I'll tell you my second reason for switching camps: I got a virus. Yep. Sure did. This virus (actually, I think it was a worm, but we'll treat all such programs as "viruses" for the purpose of this article) was passed to me, I believe, by a Windows user inside a Word document. Unfortunately, I needed this document, and I needed to send it back out to other Windows users. Fortunately, I had a trusty old copy of Norton Anti-Virus and an OS9-bootable system from which to do the repairs. But if I hadn't, I would not have been able to use the document. If my job had been dependent upon that document... Well, you can extrapolate. Unless you're planning on never sharing files with anyone other than Mac users -- ones who also only share files with other Mac users, by the way -- you do have to worry about viruses. Just not as much as Windows users. Here I like to paraphrase the AIDS prevention folks: When you're sharing files with someone, you're sharing files with everyone they've ever shared files with. And the internet is, like, one big, giant file-sharing orgy. Do you really want to be running around out there without a condom?

Me neither.

I don't want to get too much into the options. This is more an explaination of why we Mac kids do actually need some form of virus protection. But I will quickly tell you what I do, and why I've settled on my method. My method is the ounce of prevention method. I use ClamXav on my systems and do weekly scans. Also, using ClamXav's new "Sentry" feature, I have a few watch folders: my mail, my downloads folder, and any folder I might be sharing on my LAN. (Keep in mind here that ClamXav does not scan subfolders, for performance reasons.) This pretty much covers most of the bases. If you get ClamXav set up right, you should be in real good shape when it comes to detecting viruses. Unfortunately, ClamXav does not repair viruses. So if you already have one, or if, God forbid, one should squeak by, you'll need something to fix it. I'm lucky. I have my old OS9-Norton system. But these are becoming almost as rare as Mac viruses themselves. If you have a virus now, you should quarantine all instances of that puppy, go do some research, and find the least invasive, non-kernel extension installing antivirus repair software you can. If you can run it off the CD without installing anything, all the better. Otherwise, just wait. Yeah, you heard me. Wait. The chance that you'll get a virus is pretty slim, and it's quite likely that, by the time you do, any virus software you buy today will be out of date, obsolete, or just plain useless. So wait, and if a virus ever rears its ugly head on your system, then go buy something to fix it. Oh, I might also suggest that if the antivirus software does have to be installed on the system, you might want to use a spare firewire drive for the install, provided you have one, of course. I like to have a lean, bootable OSX system on a small firewire drive, install the antivirus software there, and boot from this drive when I have a problem. That keeps my primary boot drive clean of antivirus cruft.

So that's what I do. And that's what I think. And so far, it's worked pretty well. The only thing that kind of breaks my flow is when freelance clients freak out and install Norton AV on their systems without asking me about it first. Ever try to remove that shit? Holy Hell. Thank my lucky stars for this uninstall script, but until I found it, it was murder.

Okay, kids. Time to go put a helmet on that soldier.